i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
