I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
