I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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