You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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