You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
