I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
