I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
