By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He's a Shit stain on my heart
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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