when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
