During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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