Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
