You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
