i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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