I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
