farters have to be the big spoon...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
