Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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