and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
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It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
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We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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