so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
