I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
