Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize