tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
