high people should be assigned attendants
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
The power of my boobs compel you
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
