I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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