It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
