Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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