She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
