Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
