would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
