Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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