i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
