well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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