even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
