Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
