Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
