Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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