I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
