Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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