you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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