It's Friday. Sex?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
