i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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