1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
