Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
