The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
