we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
