Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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