i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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