Porn is love you can see.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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