It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm like, not good at living.
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