You smell like stripper and shame
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
