Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
