He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out