He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
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Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me