Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!