i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car