Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am