my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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