I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
