great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
