just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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