It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
