I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
