I just threw up on my dentist
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
