I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His nipple licking is glorious
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