first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
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sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
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I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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