dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
