the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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