During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
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