Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
