His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
