Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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